


Tails

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-31
Updated: 1998-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 05:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11329662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Krycek turns to Mulder when he concludes that his death is imminent. A romantic tear-jerker!





	Tails

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Tails by Amirin

'Tails' by Amirin  
These characters and their environs on the X-Files belong to 1013 Productions and Chris Carter. No infringment is intended. I just want to play with the boys for a while before I let them go back to the lives they don't have on the show. This is just for fun, no money is being made from this.  
This story involves sex between two men, aka: slash. If that is *not* your cup of tea, sweet as it is, then don't read it! (simple, ain't it??) Feedback is *very* much appreciated, and always answered. Flames will be passed around to friends and chuckled over. :) This is a h/c story, a major angst fest, and involves assisted suicide. So, if you can't stand it, don't read it.   
This is dedicated to Yvonne, for the next time . . .

* * *

Mulder stood in the shower, letting the hot water hit him full in the face, and tried not to think about what a lousy day he'd had. He had barely said three words to Scully all week, been hostile and uncommunicative and Skinner was about ready to tear a strip off him, he knew. He was having a hard time making himself give a damn. About anything, these days. Scully was worried, Skinner was pissed and worried, and he felt . . half alive, numb, even. He got no joy out of anything, lately, and couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed, or even smiled for that matter. He wasn't looking forward to the weekend, what the hell was the point? He knew he was wallowing, so what? Not like there was anyone around to see it, anyway.

He sighed, cut the water, and stepped out of the shower, then dried off quickly, slinging the damp towel around his hips. He headed out of the steam-filled bathroom, and stopped dead in his tracks. Alex Krycek was sitting on the bed, one hand in the pocket of the leather jacket he was wearing, with *his* gun in his other hand, resting easily on his slender, jean-clad thigh.

Alex smiled gently at Mulder's stunned expression, seeing him, seeing the gun. His smile turned somewhat sad as the familiar wariness and distrust clouded Mulder's features, and he sighed.

"It's all right, Mulder, I'm not here to hurt you," he said, in a soft voice that Mulder had never heard before. He grinned slightly at Mulder's pointed look at the gun in his hand before he held it out for him to take, offering it to the man butt first. 

Mulder's eyes widened a bit before he carefully closed the distance between them and gingerly removed his weapon from Krycek's outstretched hand, ignoring the muted tingle he felt as their fingers made brief contact. He wasn't going to think about that now; he didn't need the distraction. Being distracted around Alex Krycek could get him killed. He sighed; if Krycek had wanted him dead, he would've been, easily. He should be calling Scully, or Skinner, he knew, but he'd never seen the look on the other man's face that he was seeing now and, he had to admit, his curiosity was piqued.

"Krycek, what the hell do you want?" he asked, tiredly, not really understanding or trusting the wry, sad smile on the other man's face. 

Alex snorted softly, almost a chuckle, looking up at Mulder. "You're holding it in your hand, Mulder," he said quietly, seeing the confusion cross Mulder's face as he looked at his gun, "But, not exactly like that." Alex reached next to him for the bathrobe thrown carelessly over the foot of the bed, and tossed it to Mulder, who put the gun on the bedside table, then slipped the robe on, stepping into the bathroom to throw the towel over the bar.

"Sit down, please, I need to talk to you," Alex said, still speaking quietly, as though to keep from spooking Mulder, as he came back into the bedroom.

Mulder ran his fingers through his still-damp hair, deciding, for the moment, to humor him. The faster he cooperated, the faster the man would get the hell out of here. He took a seat on the bed a reasonably safe distance from Krycek, as though the other man carried a contagion he was afraid to catch. In reality, he simply didn't think he could stand to be too close to Alex. He felt pieces of himself began to wake up and pay attention to his surroundings, for the first time in weeks. He really didn't need this. Or, maybe he did, but he didn't want Krycek to be the one responsible for it. He turned his attention outward, as the other man began to speak.

"I need your help," Alex started slowly, ignoring Mulder's incredulous look. "I have a brain tumor, right about here," he pointed to a spot towards the back of his skull, about halfway between his ear and the nape of his neck, "A couple of inches in, and it's inoperable. It's killing me, Fox," he paused, meeting Mulder's startled hazel eyes with his own clear green, "But not quickly enough. I need your help." He took a shuddering breath, let it out slowly. "I want you to help me die."

Mulder sat there, knowing his shock was written all over his face, trying not to feel like someone had kicked him in the gut. "Krycek . ." he started, when Alex interrupted him.

"Look, I know that this is probably a dream come true for you, but hear me out, please," he halted for a moment, looking to Mulder as though he were gathering himself together. "I don't want my body pulled out of a dumpster with a bullet hole in the back of the skull. I don't want to be dredged out of a lake after the spring thaw, or have my unidentifiably charred remains discovered after a car-bomb explosion. I don't want to be found, garroted, in a ditch somewhere, or have parts of me turn up all over the country, a leg in Nebraska, a hand in Miami," he paused at what he thought was Mulder's grimace of distaste. "And I don't want to check into a hospital and spend months waiting to die, or be killed by a total stranger poisoning my I-V line" He stopped, running his hand through his already tousled hair, and sighed with resignation. 

"I don't know, maybe I deserve to die like that," he started again, when Mulder interrupted him.

"No one deserves to die like that, Alex," Mulder said quietly, buried under the weight of his own thoughts, yet surprising Alex when he didn't add 'Not even you.'

"I don't *want* to die like that, Fox," he whispered, then cleared his throat, allowing his voice to come out a little louder. "My life, lately, has been ugly, vicious, violent, and solitary," he said softly, meeting Mulder's gaze, "I just don't want my death to be the same way, that's all."

Mulder cleared his throat, his own sympathy for Krycek surprising him. When was the last time he'd felt *that* for anyone, why *Alex Krycek*?

"Why do you *need* my help? Why can't you just . ." he trailed off at the odd look on the other man's face.

Alex brought his right hand up and *knocked* on his left arm. Mulder's eyes closed slowly as he cringed inside at the hollow sound echoing from an arm that was no longer flesh. He opened his eyes to see Alex looking at him, his sad expression mirroring Mulder's.

"They're taking me a piece at a time, Fox," he said, in a rough voice, "I want to die before there's nothing left of me that I recognize." He stopped as he watched Mulder turn his head, trying to hide his pity, he thought, until the man turned back and he saw the sadness in the hazel eyes.

"I can't do this myself or I would; I need your help. Fox, with everything they've done to you, everything they've taken from you, they've never been able to touch your compassion, or your capacity for mercy," he said, seeing Mulder's eyes widen. "I'm counting on that, now. Please, Fox... help me die."

Mulder shook his head, not saying 'no', but incredulously. "I thought you hated my guts, Alex," he said, some of his dry humor coloring the words.

Alex smiled wryly at him. "That's a coin you really need to turn over, Fox," he answered quietly. It took about a four-count, but finally Mulder's eyes widened, his expression stunned.

"Oh, you have *got* to be kidding me," he said, shaking his head in denial, and something that almost felt like dispair. Why *this*? Why *now*?

Alex sighed. "There are things you need to know. I don't know if it'll make it easier for you, or harder," he paused, taking a deep breath, looking Mulder square in the eye. 

"I did not kill your father, Fox," he stopped, seeing the other man's eyes narrow. "I was there, in the bathroom, hiding in the shower, when the shot came through the window. I left the same way, before you got to him."

Mulder's eyes had closed while Krycek was talking, opened, the wounded look in them cut right through Alex. "What were you doing there?" Mulder asked him, in a deadly calm voice.

"I needed to talk to him, warn him. I wanted him to try to distract you from what you were doing, send you off in another direction, a safer one. They were so close to taking you and Scully out altogether. You were more of a liability to them then you knew. I thought that if I talked to your father, maybe he could offer you something else to chase, to protect you. I didn't think they'd kill him to keep you from getting to the truth." He stopped, seeing that Mulder believed him, relieved by it.

"I didn't kill Scully's sister, either," he halted at the disbelief in Mulder's eyes, but he needed to tell him. "Cardinale and I were there, I *thought*, to plant a few bugs, surveillance equipment. She came through the door, and he shot her, said he 'panicked'," Alex said with scorn that Mulder could easily hear. "But, I saw the look on his face when I turned her over," he looked at Mulder, openly and honestly, "He wasn't *panicked*, he was *pissed*. It might have *looked* like a convincing accident, but it *stunk*, let me tell you. He was there to kill your partner. I didn't know, Fox, I swear to you, I didn't know. I remember the hell you went through when they *took* Scully, there's no way I'd have gone along with *killing* her." He stopped at the amazement on Mulder's face.

"Why would it have mattered to you, one way or the other, Krycek?" Mulder asked with quiet bitterness.

"It wouldn't have mattered to me, but it would've mattered to you .... and *that* would've mattered to me," Alex said simply, "And the why is

the reason I'm here." He paused, looking at Mulder, gently smiling. "Fox," he nearly whispered, looking down at the arm that wasn't, "I want *you* to be the one I see before I die, not some nameless, faceless assassin." He looked up at Mulder, seeing again the compassion and sorrow, for him, and it rocked him. He felt an unfamiliar burning in his eyes and surprised himself when he felt the first tear travel slowly down his cheek. He caught it on his fingers and stared. Christ, he couldn't remember the last time he'd *cried*. He met Mulder's searching gaze, watched with shock as the man moved closer to him, and saw his hand slowly come up, gentle fingers brushing away the tears falling from his eyes.

Mulder felt like he was moving on autopilot, lighting touching Alex's face, marvelling at the softness of the man's skin. Damn, tears made him seem so *human*, not the monster he'd tried so hard to convince himself he hated. He could barely bring himself to admit, honestly, that what he felt for Alex was no longer hatred, if it ever had been. He mentally shook himself and brought his attention back to the man before him.

"How?" he asked softly, watching as Alex reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, and pulled out a syringe and a small, glass vial of clear liquid, then a section of thin, rubber tubing. Damn, the man had come prepared. He took the vial and looked at Alex questioningly.

"Morphine, enough to kill me several times over," Alex said, tired yet relieved, almost happy that Mulder would give him this, do this for him, even after everything.

Mulder took them from him, gently, and reached back to set them on the table by the bed, putting the gun in the drawer. He turned toward Alex to see him rubbing his forehead with his hand, thumb on one temple, middle finger on the other, slowly massaging in small circles.

"Headache?" he asked, softly. 

Alex nodded. "Yeah, they've been getting worse the last few weeks," he said, not even hearing the bone-weary fatigue in his voice. 

Mulder, though, heard it clearly, and scooted even closer to Alex, shifting until he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, nearly touching the man next to him. He briefly hesitated, then tentatively reached out and brought his hands to the man's head, a palm on each temple, and continued the movements, the gentle circles, hearing Alex's groan and sigh.

God, it felt good and Alex's head bowed as though it was too heavy for his neck to support. He started somewhat to feel a gentle hand on the back of his neck, pushing his head forward onto Mulder's shoulder. He leaned into the contact, breathing in the scent of the man, just-washed clean and Mulder making a dizzying combination. He felt those hands move through his hair, up from his neck, over the top of his head, fingers splayed, fingertips rubbing over his scalp. He sighed. Damn, nothing had felt this good in ages. He moved his hand up Mulder's back, not really thinking about it, feeling the warmth of the man's skin through the thin fabric of the robe.

Warnings were sounding loudly in Mulder's head, but he ignored them. He'd had his fill of pain and death in recent years; if there was anything he could do to ease the one while giving Alex the other, by God, he would. He felt the man shiver slightly as he let his hands travel gently over Alex's neck, working the tight shoulders through the soft leather. Damn, his thin frame had gotten thinner since the last time Mulder had seen him. He pulled back slightly, watching Alex's face as he unzipped the leather jacket. The man was so pale, almost ashen, his eyes tired, the once vibrant, startling green now somewhat faded. He slipped the jacket off Alex's shoulders and eased it down his arms, tugging on the cuffs to get it off, then tossing it into the chair near the bed.

"Help me get this off?" Alex asked him, rapping again on the artificial arm. "It wasn't part of the original equipment when I came into the world, damned if I'm going out with it," he said wryly, seeing the rusty grin on Mulder's face, as he undid the fastenings and carefully eased it off, leaning to set it on the chair under the jacket, out of sight. 

"You haven't done that much lately, have you? Smile, I mean," he said with soft perception, as his hand cupped Mulder's chin, thumb lightly caressing just below that wonderful lower lip, waiting for Mulder to pull away. 

The other man didn't, though, just shook his head, letting Alex's hand remain where it was. "Not much to smile about these days," he said, with a touch of self-pity.

Alex nodded, cocking his head. "I am certainly in touch with *that* emotion."

Mulder could've kicked himself; *he* wasn't the one dying, for Christ's sake, needing to come to an old enemy for help so he could die with a little dignity, a little peace. God, he felt like a selfish ass. It made him think about all the grief he'd given Scully this week, the grumbling, the infamous sulks; how the hell did she put up with him? He looked at Alex, saw complete understanding there, like the man knew what he was thinking.

"Don't beat yourself up for it, Fox. You've got the right to be depressed. *I'm* the one with a way out. *I'm* the one who won't have to deal with it all tomorrow. You're the one who still has to keep looking, fighting, for the truth, for what you believe in," Alex said, seeing the guilty look on Mulder's face.

"It almost makes me envy you," Mulder said quietly.

"Don't you *ever* think that," Alex hissed at him, the intensity startling Mulder. "You have everything to live for, more reasons than I've *ever* had. You can look forward to life. The best I can do is choose how I *die*; it's the only choice left and the only thing I have to look forward to is a peaceful death with the help of one of the many people on this planet who wants me dead," he paused, seeing Mulder shaking his head.

"I only wanted you dead because I thought you'd murdered my father and Scully's sister. Those reasons don't exist anymore. I feel guilty as hell for wishing you dead, in the past. I don't now, and I would do anything I could to change this for you, Alex. God, I'm sorry. I am so sorry," he whispered, watching the green eyes fill with tears. Unthinking, he reached out to pull Alex closer to him, wrapping his arms around the man. 

Alex didn't know what to do, Mulder's sympathy and regret were not things he'd bargained for. He knew regret was not his exclusive domain anymore than guilt was Mulder's, but he hadn't been expecting this. The gentleness with which Mulder held him, shit, he hadn't anticipated *that*, either. He almost felt like he was taking advantage of the man, but he didn't have the will to back away, not when it felt so wonderful to be held like this. He felt Mulder carefully rubbing his back, the warmth from his hand going right through the black t-shirt he wore. Damn, this was dangerous, but he couldn't stop his own arm from wrapping around Mulder, wishing acutely that he had two to hold him with. Without really realizing what he was doing, he began stroking Mulder's cheek with his own, almost nuzzling the man. He felt the strong arms about him loosen and, finally becoming aware of his actions, stopped short and pulled away. 

Alex nearly stopped breathing when Mulder moved back and took his face in his hands. His eyes closed as he felt gentle lips kiss his eyelids, following his eyebrows, up his forehead, down a temple . . God, this was incredible. He felt the haze lifting in his mind, bringing where he was and who he was with into startling clarity. He felt Mulder kiss one cheek, travel across his nose, then kiss the other, then nothing. He opened heavy eyes to see Mulder actually *smiling* at him, this one a much improved effort over the earlier attempt, by far.

"Oh, you have *got* to be kidding me," he whispered, in an unknowing echo of Mulder's statement a few moments ago. His eyes widened, the man was *chuckling*, for the love of Christ.

The look on Alex's face was priceless, Mulder couldn't help laughing, trying not to, aware that it would be nearly hysterical, matching the mood he suddenly found himself in. 

"I'm *not* kidding, Alex," he said, sobering. 

"What the hell are you playing at? You're not gay," Alex bit off, though softly, not knowing what Mulder's game was.

Mulder shook his head. "No, I'm not, but I found out a long time ago, at Oxford, that I could be . . flexible when it came to the gender of people I was attracted to." There, he'd said it. And meant it.

Alex's eyes widened. "You're *serious*, about this, aren't you? You're not screwing around with me, here, are you?"

Mulder grinned, so close to evilly that it gave Alex goosebumps. "Well, not yet I'm not, no. But I'd like to, if you'll let me. I really would," he finished seriously, simply, seeing Alex's eyes close for a moment, those absurdly long lashes resting against his pale cheeks.

Alex sighed and opened his eyes. Just maybe there was a god that didn't have it in for Alex Krycek, after all. Shit, like he could say 'no' to an offer like that. He couldn't, so he didn't.

"Yes," he breathed, barely any voice behind the word at all, mesmerized by Mulder's face, by those gorgeous hazel eyes, as he came closer and gently touched his lips to Alex's. 

Both men groaned softly as their lips met. Alex felt like he'd been prematurely reduced to ashes, in the heat of Mulder's kiss. God, that mouth was amazing, all hot velvet and intoxicating sweetness. The other man's tongue stroked Alex's, a stroke he felt all the way to his cock, as fingers tangled in his hair. Alex moaned into Mulder's mouth, put his hand on the chest in front of him, felt the rapid heartbeat through the robe, and gently pushed him away, before he had a heart attack. Mulder took his hand and kissed the palm, then started sucking on the index finger, eyes closed, face glowing in rapt attention. He stopped, kissed the wrist, then briefly kissed Alex, the touch too short to bring them both back into desire, again. 

"I need to get a few things ready," Mulder said quietly, breathing hard. "I do *not* want to be interrupted, and you wouldn't believe how easy it is to break into my damned apartment."

Alex laughed outright, delighted when Mulder joined him, realizing what he'd said. "Well, maybe you *would*," he said in dry humor, still chuckling.

"I'm going to grab a shower, if you don't mind," Alex said, as Mulder shook his head and stood up.

"Not at all, I'll be a while. Fresh towels under the sink to the right," he finished, leaning down to kiss Alex again, getting hooked on the taste of the man. He silently berated himself for waiting so long to do this. Too long, and now, too late.

Alex headed into the bathroom, while Mulder walked into the living room, shutting off phones as he went, turning off his answering machine and cell phone, then heading to the kitchen. He reached into a drawer and pulled out a hammer, grabbed a large handful of long nails out of a box, and went back into the living room. He made sure the door was locked, thoughtful of Alex to relock it after picking it open, then deadbolted it, putting the chain on and wedging the stop under the door in the corner. He took the hammer and nails and meticulously went around the frame, driving each one far enough into the door to keep it from being opened from the outside. He left each nail so he could still use the claw on the hammer to get them out, later. No one was getting through that door, not tonight, he thought, ignoring the bizarreness of his actions. He wanted Alex to feel safe and secure, a luxury he hadn't had in way too long, Mulder was willing to bet. He didn't care what he had to do, to give Alex the peace he deserved to die with. He shook his head at the sorrow inside him at that thought and headed over to the window. He stood, debating nailing it shut, too, when he felt Alex's arm come around him from behind, pulling him backward into the man's chest.

"You think that's necessary?" he asked, kissing the side of Mulder's neck, "No one can get in through there, not without rappelling down from the roof." He paused as Mulder's eyes narrowed at the thought, then cracked up again as the man went over and nailed the damn window shut. Mulder tossed the hammer onto the desk, and grinned at Alex, driving the gloom from his thoughts. 

"They don't call me paranoid for nothing, you know. I've worked damned hard to get that way, can't afford to get sloppy now," he said, chuckling as he took Alex into his arms and kissed him 'til his knees buckled. He pulled away, brushing the damp hair out of Alex's eyes, leering at the towel the man was wearing and the evidence of his arousal beneath it. He put his arm around Alex and led him back into the bedroom.

**************************************************

Mulder paused near the bed when they got back to the bedroom, looking at Alex. He reached out with a gentle hand and caressed the other man's bare chest with the backs of his fingers, watching the green eyes dilate slightly. He could feel the heartbeat going crazy under his hands as he stroked the visible ribs, brushing his thumbs over the nipples until they hardened, loving it when Alex groaned. He followed the tops of the shoulders with his fingertips, going back along the collarbone, then out again. He used one finger to follow Alex's left shoulder down the arm as far as it went, relieved that the man didn't cringe at the contact. Leaving one hand on Alex's chest, he brought the other around to the back of his neck, and pulled him close, kissing him lightly on the lips.

Alex brought his hand up and rested it on Fox's chest, over his heart. He could feel how fast it was beating, felt his own speed up even more to keep pace with it. Then, oh, God, the feel of that mouth on his, warm and soft and utterly delicious. He groaned again, like he could help it, and felt Fox smile under his lips. He licked lightly with his tongue on that ridiculously full lower lip, felt the man shiver slightly as he entered his mouth. Fox's tongue immediately found his, and they sank into each other, exploring. The kiss quickly turned hungry and wild, while still holding on to a gentleness that had been such a stranger to Alex, lately. 

He tore his mouth away from Fox's and let his teeth graze the man's ear, trying to remember that breathing was a good thing. He felt strong arms come around him and gasped when teeth bit gently into his neck, knowing it was leaving a mark. He couldn't have cared less; this kind of bruise was completely different from his usual experience and he wanted it, needed it. Fox's mouth was making his legs weak, tongue tracing the column of his throat. He let his head fall back in total surrender, letting Fox do whatever he wanted, as the man nibbled and licked his neck. Lips fastened on the lobe of his ear and he felt a soft, warm breath caress it. 

It made Alex shiver and he returned the hot, wet caress with his own, letting his tongue follow the curve of Fox's ear until he reached the throat, then down, down that gorgeous chest, hitting paydirt when Fox groaned. He reached behind the man and caressed his back down to his ass, bringing him forward, feeling his hardness against his own through the thin robe and towel. He inhaled sharply when Fox began grinding his hips into Alex, moving slowly. 

Alex lowered his head until his lips found one nipple and he laved it with his tongue, sucking on it gently. When it hardened in his mouth, he turned his attention to the other one, feeling fingers threading harshly through his hair, as the man before him jerked and groaned. He barely noticed Fox lightly running his fingers just inside the towel around his waist, loosening it until it fell, and he kicked it away from his feet. He moved his hand to the tie on the robe, a slight tug undoing it, then pushed the robe off one of Fox's shoulders. Fox shrugged out of it for him, and hurled it at the bed. It missed completely, landing instead on the chair, burying Alex's jacket, and the prosthetic arm beneath it.

Mulder took Alex back into his arms and held him like he didn't plan on ever letting go. He knew his mind was busy recording every touch, taste and smell, and he really wanted to send it into overload, so he kissed Alex again. Christ, the man could kiss, all sweetness and fire, hunger and tenderness. He felt the fire seep into him slowly, igniting parts of himself long numbed and buried, and caught Alex's hunger when his tongue touched his own. He wished his skin could breathe enough to sustain his need for oxygen, so he wouldn't have to release that unbelievable mouth in order to gasp for air. Feeling the beautiful body quiver slightly against his own, he reached down and took Alex's erection into his hand. His eyes went dark with arousal when his partner groaned his name as he thrust into the gentle hold Mulder had on him.

Fox pushed him gently toward the bed until his legs hit it. He lay back, watching the other man watch him, as Fox continued to stroke and tease his cock until he was close to screaming. His eyes opened wide in shock and dismay when it all stopped, then opened wider when he saw the man lay between his legs. He moaned when he felt a hot, wet tongue work slowly up his thighs, first one then the other, long, agonizingly slow licks, until Fox reached his cock again, going down on it, making him cry out. He reached down and lightly rested his hand on the dark head, stroking the soft hair, as that wonderful mouth kissed and licked him until he was thrashing on the bed, groaning. He moaned softly in frustration when Fox stopped, again.

"How do you want it, Alex?" Mulder whispered with intense breathlessness, looking up at him, hazel eyes glittering. "In my mouth or in me?"

Alex was thunderstruck. Good lord, he was being given a *choice*? Come to think of it, there was no choice.

"In you, Fox," he whispered back, "Oh, God, in you."

He groaned as Fox came slithering up his body, the skin on skin contact threatening to burn out his synapses, as his lover nibbled and kissed his way up his stomach, then his chest. Alex sighed as his felt the man licking his nipples, then arched up into him, gasping when teeth fastened gently onto one. He brought his head up, groaning loudly, until Fox kissed him, pushing him back down, as the man devoured his mouth again in a slow but passionate exploration. Alex brought his hand down to Fox's ass, caressing the cleft with gentle fingers, just brushing the small opening, going in circles around it. 

Mulder gasped, tore his mouth away and stretched out over him, reaching into the stand next to the bed, to bring out a tube of lubricant. Popping the top with his teeth, he squeezed some onto Alex's fingers. Tossing the tube next to them on the bed, he resumed kissing the man beneath him senseless as Alex brought his hand back to Fox's ass and continued his slow stroking. 

He gently worked his fingers into the tight opening, first one, then another, loving the way Fox was nearly whimpering with need into his mouth, as he began moving back against Alex's hand. 

Mulder groped for the tube, found it, and got it open without having to stop kissing Alex. Squeezing some onto his own fingers, he moved easily to one side and began stroking Alex's cock, while Alex continued to prepare him. He let his tongue tangle with his partner's as the man started thrusting into Mulder's hand.

"How do you want me?" Mulder asked, breathlessly, loving the dazed, flushed look on Alex's face.

Alex didn't know that it mattered how, until he remembered he only had one arm to work with. Hell, the last time he'd done this, he'd had two and now he couldn't tell how to go about it.

Mulder saw the confused look on Alex's face, and smiled gently.

"Alex, don't worry about it. If something doesn't work, we'll just have to try it another way, until we get it right," he said softly, watching the man grin. "Even if it takes all night," he finished, before claiming Alex's mouth again in a fiery kiss, feeling the man's groan vibrate all the way to his cock.

Alex moved away from Fox's assault on his lips; wonderful as it was, other parts of his body were also screaming for attention.

"Hands and knees, then," he gasped, as Fox gave his cock one last long, hard stroke before moving off to the side. Alex got behind him, leaning on the strong back beneath him, as he slowly eased himself into that beautiful body, groaning loudly at the tightness, the incredible heat. He moved his arm across Fox's chest, holding onto the opposite shoulder and gently began thrusting in and out of his unbelievably responsive partner.

The slow pace was driving Mulder stark raving mad, but he didn't want to thrust back into Alex for fear of knocking him off balance. Still, he didn't think he could take much more of this slow in and out, not without spraining something.

"God, Alex, more, *please*," he grated, trying to keep from taking over, "harder, *do it*."

"I don't want to hurt you," Alex gasped back, laying his cheek on Fox's back, licking his way slowly down the spine, making sure the pace stayed infuriatingly the same.

"Dammit, you won't hurt me, you're *not* hurting me, please, Alex. I need more of you," Mulder ground out, shuddering under his lover's tongue, feeling teeth lightly nipping down his back.

"If I'm not hurting you," Alex groaned, "why aren't you moving?"

Mulder growled and moved slowly back into Alex, who thrust forward into him a little harder. As long as Alex held onto his shoulder, he'd be fine, Mulder realized, moving backward with gradually increasing speed and intensity.

"Oh, God, *yes*. That's it, Fox, yes, just like that," Alex groaned, speeding up, as his fingernails dug into his lover's shoulder. 

"Harder, Alex. Fuck me harder, *now*," Mulder grated out through clenched teeth, moaning loudly when he felt Alex thrust into him with force enough to take his breath away.

The reality of who he was inside of hit Alex like a gunshot. Christ almighty, this was Fox Mulder under him, groaning with every thrust, moving back into him hard and fast. His former partner, for crying out loud, bucking wildly beneath him, arching up into him. Alex wished he had another hand, so he could bring Fox off as he came. There was no way he could let go of the man to do it.

"God, Alex, come in me . . now, come in me. I want to feel you . . *yes*, oh *yes*, oh, shit, *Alex*!" 

Alex felt like someone had lit a fuse along his backbone; fire shooting up his spine, straight into his skull, where it exploded within him. He felt himself tightening up, and sinking his teeth into Fox's shoulder to muffle the noise, let his world come apart as his climax hit him and he came deep inside Fox, screaming hoarsely.

Mulder sank slowly into the mattress, taking Alex with him, his erection nearly painful. He hadn't come, yet, hadn't really wanted to. He wanted to be inside Alex when he did, but the pressure of his own weight lying on his hard cock was limiting his ability to breathe. He sighed as he felt Alex roll off him to the side, pulling out of him, then falling onto his back. He stayed on his stomach and looked at the man lying next to him Damn, Alex was beautiful. Green eyes glowing, soft smile just touching those perfect lips, face flushed, he was absolutely gorgeous. Mulder smiled lazily, his eyebrows arching into question marks at Alex's nod.

"Much better," Alex said softly, tracing Fox's lips with a gentle finger, "Now, *that's* a smile." He laughed at Fox's widening grin, then inhaled sharply as Fox's mouth came open and closed around his finger, teeth biting playfully into it. He groaned and pulled it out, leaning in to kiss the man, wrapping his hand around the back of his lover's head. 

"Your turn," he whispered into Fox's mouth, his hand moving down to stroke the man's erection, as Fox rolled onto his side, thumb gently slicking his precum all over the head of his shaft. He brought his hand up and licked his thumb, then put it into his mouth to clean it off, never releasing Fox's narrowed eyes, as he sucked all the slick fluid off it. 

"I'm yours for the taking, Fox," he whispered roughly, moaning when his lover pounced on him, the feel of hot skin on skin starting to arouse him yet again. "How do you want me?" he gasped, seeing the man reaching for the lubricant again. He swiftly tangled his legs around Fox and rolled them both over, not allowing the man to protest as his mouth descended on Fox's. He slid slowly down that warm, wonderful body, kissing the chest, swirling his tongue around the nipples, until they were hard points, then moving farther south. 

"Alex, you don't have to," Mulder started, then abruptly stopped with a gasp as his lover's talented mouth engulfed his cock, causing his desire to rocket through him, making him quiver under Alex's licks and kisses. He groaned, low and long, feeling Alex chuckle as he licked his length, lightly nipping the sides, before moving his mouth over him again, and taking him down to the root. He cried out, tangling his fingers in Alex's hair, as his hips bucked upwards, uncontrollably. If Alex kept this up, he'd be coming in another heartbeat or two. 

"*Alex*, stop," he gasped out, "Too close. God, not yet."

Alex looked up at him, grinning. "So, where do you want me?" he asked softly, keeping eye contact as he gave Fox another swipe with his tongue.

Mulder moaned, then chuckled, meeting Alex's questioning look with a wry grin on his face. "Dammit, Alex, where *don't* I want you?" he grinned down at him. "Come back up here, next to me, I want to touch you," he said, suddenly serious again.

Alex worked his way upward until he and Fox were again at eye level, wondering, not for the first time, about the man's mercurial mood swings. He lay on his back, as Fox came into his side, softly stroking his chest while nuzzling his neck. He sighed, eyes closing in contentment, as he let his lover enjoy his body. He felt a gentle hand touch his face, fingers tracing its contours over nose, cheekbones, eyebrows, chin. He opened his eyes to see Fox looking at him intently.

"What are you doing? Committing my face to memory?" he joked quietly, stunned into silence at Fox's nod.

"I will never forget you," Mulder whispered, smiling sadly at him, "Never, Alex."

"Then you'll keep me alive for as long as you are," Alex whispered, caressing Fox's cheek with his hand, ignoring the stinging in his eyes. "I can live with that," he said softly, "I just hope you can."

Mulder nodded, leaning in to kiss Alex again, covering his body protectively with his own. He felt a warm hand begin stroking his erection and sighed with pleasure into his lover's mouth, thrusting slowly into the heat that surrounded him.

Alex rubbed his thumb around the head of the hard cock in his hand, spreading the precum all over it, hearing the man above him sigh. He felt Fox reaching for the lube again, then felt a slick finger enter him as he moved his legs apart, moaning softly.

Mulder moved up to kneel between Alex's legs, adding a second finger. He felt his cock throb as Alex responded, back arching off the bed, moving against his fingers. He watched his lover going crazy, each groan making him even harder. He lifted Alex's legs off the bed and placed them over his shoulders, moving in closer to slowly enter Alex, hearing him gasp. The incredible heat made him groan Alex's name as he worked his way into his lover's body, each thrust taking him just a little deeper, until he was all the way inside.

Alex was losing it, completely losing it. When Fox was buried in him to the hilt, he thought nothing in his life had ever felt so good, that he had never been so turned on. Then, Fox took hold of his cock and began stroking it in time to his thrusts, making him hard as a rock again, and he realized how wrong he'd been. He couldn't feel his toes anymore, and had his hand clenched so tightly into the sheet, he couldn't feel his fingers, either. All he felt was the man inside him, gradually increasing the speed and strength of his thrusts. He watched his lover, saw the head fall back, eyes shut, mouth slightly open, groaning every time he sank all the way into Alex. 

Mulder sped up a little more, opening his eyes at Alex's whimper, feeling the man's cock pulse in his hand. Alex had to be close, God knew he sure as hell was. Alex's eyes met his, as his body shook with the impending climax.

Alex reached up and lightly scratched down Fox's chest with his nails, running over the nipples in a figure eight, seeing his lover's face tighten, feeling his hand speed up on his cock.

"Come in me, Fox . . I want to feel you come . . I want to hear you scream," he ground out, seeing Fox's eyes shut tight, the look on his face almost agony. Alex felt himself coming, a wave of nearly unbearable heat running through him, so powerful it made him wonder why Fox couldn't feel it. He felt his orgasm tearing into him, heard himself scream Fox's name, as he came into his lover's hand.

Mulder's eyes flew open just in time to watch Alex come, head thrown back, back arched nearly in two, as the muscles surrounding him clenched around his cock. The sensation added to his overtaxed nerve endings, his own harsh cry ripped from his throat, as he came, hard, before collapsing onto his lover.

Alex let his legs fall off the sides of his lover's body, exhausted, letting his hand rest on Fox's head, as he tried to get his wind back. Fox was still totally gone, slumped on his chest, his breathing nothing more than harsh gasps. Alex could feel the man shaking and grabbed his shoulder to pull him up to him.

Mulder felt Alex's hand, swallowed past the sawdust in his ravaged throat, and slowly moved his way up to collapse again at Alex's side. He tried to open his eyes, but the leaden weights attached to them made it impossible. He felt a gentle hand brush the hair off his forehead, noticing that it shook, slightly, as he finally got his eyes open and saw Alex looking at him with some concern. He turned toward him, groaning, as he kissed his shoulder.

"I thought, for a minute, that you'd stroked out on me," Alex said quietly, with wry amusement, seeing a ghost of a grin cross Fox's lips. "If you come like that every time, it's a wonder you haven't burst a blood vessel by now."

"Quit fishing, Alex. I haven't come that hard in years," Mulder said, with a touch of asperity in his voice, as he mock-glared at Alex.

"That good, huh?" Alex said with smug nonchalance, as Fox gently slugged him in the chest, then fell back, groaning. Alex went into his arms, laying his head on Fox's chest, feeling safer than he had for too damned long, as they closed softly around him, their legs tangling together as they wrapped around one another. He sighed, letting his eyes close, feeling Fox's fingers combing through his hair, rubbing his scalp, almost as if he sensed the headache that was creeping up on his lover again. He felt himself falling into sleep, finally able to let go enough to look forward to it, as he burrowed into the man next to him.

Mulder felt Alex's breathing level out, felt his weight sink into him, and wondered that it felt so damned natural to have this man in his arms. He kissed the top of Alex's head, smiling at his half-aware murmur, and let himself follow his lover into sleep.

**************************************************

Scully sighed, yet again. Still no answer at Mulder's, and his answering machine was still off, as well. She'd passed annoyed about an hour ago and was now working her way toward worried. Mulder hadn't been himself all week, too quiet, too distant. She didn't know if it was just one thing bothering him or a combination of many. She decided to stop by his place on her way home, he was going to talk to her whether he liked it or not. Grabbing her purse, she headed for the parking garage with a purposeful stride, making her way to her car. Getting in and starting it up, she tried not to think about how Mulder was deliberately isolating himself at the moment, cutting himself off from her or anyone else who might want to help. Scully sighed, pulling out of the garage. It was official, *now* she was worried, she realized, as she headed toward Mulder's apartment.

              -----------------------------------

Mulder awoke to find Alex stroking his chest, ear over his heart, listening to his heartbeat. He sighed with pleasure. Rare were the times he got to wake up with someone in his arms. He looked at the clock and found it was relatively early yet; they'd only been asleep for about an hour. He ran his fingers through Alex's dark hair, feeling the man's contented sigh whisper across his chest. Alex turned his head to kiss him there, then stilled.

"Fox," he started gently, resignation in his voice.

"*No*," Mulder grated with quiet intensity.

"It's time," Alex said softly, feeling Fox stiffen under him.

"Not yet, Alex. Please," Mulder whispered, pleadingly. Alex looked up at him and Mulder saw the tiredness and tightness on the man's face from yet another headache, the glowing, green eyes from earlier, now dimmed again. "Alex, I want as much of you as you can give me . . so I can keep you with me for the rest of my life," Mulder started slowly, trying to make Alex understand. "I can't lose you, yet, I just can't. It's not enough. 

 We've only ..." he trailed off, seeing Alex smile slightly, knowing he understood.

"Greedy," Alex said, the grin in his voice, before he sobered, and sighed, moving up next to Fox to meet his eyes. "You can take all of me, all there is, and it won't change the fact that I'm dying, Fox," he paused, seeing his lover flinch at the reality of it. "But, okay. Take as much as you want," he finished, knowing, as Fox knew, that it would never be enough.

"I know it's selfish, I'm sorry. I know you're ready, but I'm not. Alex . ." he stopped when Alex silenced him with a kiss.

"You're not being selfish, far from it. You've given me so much. I am ready, you're right about that. But, I'm also no longer afraid of dying, Fox. I was when I came here, terrified, in fact. No longer. I've finally found a kind of peace, the likes of which I've never felt before. I feel like I'm moving towards something good, now, not running away from something bad. I'm tired of running. And I like knowing that I don't have to run anymore," Alex said quietly, kissing Fox again, his soft sigh turning into a groan as it was returned with passion and need.

Mulder broke away, finally, and looked at Alex. God, he looked so damn tired, so drawn. He wanted that glow back, the shining eyes, the smile. He couldn't stand the thought of having Alex die looking like life had beaten him. He grinned, badly, trying to cover the gloom of his thoughts, when he saw his lover grin back, wryly, not at all fooled. He moved over Alex, kissing his face all over, then slid past him and got out of bed. "Come on, shower," he said, reaching out a hand to Alex, who sighed indulgently, letting Fox lead him to the bathroom.

Mulder got the water temperature ready and stepped in, turning around to hold Alex gently against the wall with his own body. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo and filled his palm with it, rubbing hands together to work up a lather. He ran them through Alex's hair, massaging the scalp, rubbing the base of his neck firmly, thumbs working along the hairline and temples. He paused just long enough to bring his hands quickly through his own hair, then ducked under the water to rinse off, before he grabbed the soap and turned his attention once more to Alex.

Alex just stood there, leaning against the cool wall and let Fox bathe him. He closed his eyes, feeling strong hands move to his chest, along his sides, up under his arms, then on top of his shoulders. He felt Fox gently stroke his way down the mutilated limb, then the other arm, going down the length to his hand. He felt himself being moved under the shower head, letting the suds rinse off. Gentle hands brought him back to the wall again, face first, this time, as he felt them caress his back and neck, scratching lightly. He melted into the wall, resting his forehead against it, and let Fox work his magic on the tired muscles. Firm hands went up and down both legs, from his ass to his feet, then slowly, tentatively, began caressing his cock. He moaned, letting his head fall back onto Fox's shoulder, feeling a hot, hungry mouth fasten onto the side of his neck. He felt the shower head being adjusted to wash the soap off him, stopping Fox when he moved to turn it off.

"Right here," he said quietly, meeting Fox's eyes, "Now."

Mulder nodded, moved the shower head back to keep them both warm, and continued stroking Alex, using his other hand to prepare him. He began jerking himself off while doing the same to his lover, keeping the speed and grasp the same, until both of his hands were wet with precum. He lubricated himself with one, while slowly entering Alex with a finger on the other, then another, hearing Alex groan his name aloud in a long drawn out sigh.

Alex began moving back against Fox's hand, until he felt his lover remove his fingers, then slowly enter him. Fox's hand came around to take hold of his own, bringing it up against the wall next to his head, lacing his fingers through Alex's. Another hand took hold of his cock, stroking with the same tempo his lover was thrusting into him with. He tightened his fingers and felt Fox squeeze back in response.

Mulder leaned forward to nip at Alex's neck, following the curve of an ear with his tongue. Alex turned his head and captured his mouth, letting their tongues mate also, as Mulder increased the speed and force of his thrusts, and his hand. 

Alex moaned, thinking that Fox couldn't possibly take him any more thoroughly than he was. Fox's mouth left his, making him whimper with loss, until he felt teeth biting at his throat, before sinking gently into the spot below his ear. His knees nearly gave out on him, as he felt the man behind him worry his neck, lips softly caressing as the suction increased. He could almost feel the same suction on his cock, as Fox sped up more, leaving him aware of nothing but the sensations flying through his body. He arched backward into Fox, making his lover groan, then surged forward into the firm hand around his own throbbing cock, echoing that groan.

Mulder found Alex's mouth again, devouring him, feeling his lover shaking, knowing he was close, as well. He found himself growing dizzy and wondered dimly what the hell was keeping Alex on his feet. He heard himself cry out, heard Alex answer with a cry of his own, as he felt something snap within him, fingers tightening on Alex's. Hot light exploded behind his eyes as he came, pumping his seed into Alex an instant before his lover came with a raw scream into his hand. 

They stayed still for a moment, letting blood flow back into areas of their bodies that hadn't seen any in way too long. Mulder pulled slowly out of Alex, making him groan. He turned his lover around to face him, holding him tightly against him, letting the aftershocks shudder through them. He smiled as he saw bright, though stunned, green eyes meet his own, and kissed Alex with gentle passion. He aimed the water at them for a minute, to wash them both off, then cut the flow. Reaching out blindly, not wanting to take his eyes off of Alex, he found a towel, and briskly dried his lover, then himself. Alex didn't seem capable of forward motion on his own, so Mulder put an arm around him, to help him out of the shower and back to the bedroom.

             ------------------------------------

Scully had been trying the door to Mulder's apartment, to no avail. The key was turning, but it wasn't opening. She was about to find the super and have him try, when her cell phone rang. <Mulder, thank God>, she sighed with relief as she answered it.

"Agent Scully, do you know where Agent Mulder is?" Oh, hell, Skinner, and he didn't sound happy.

"No sir, I don't. I'm standing outside his apartment now, but I can't get in. I think he has something blocking the door . ." she trailed off, looking at the frame for the first time. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"Scully, what is it?" Skinner's voice came tersely over the phone.

"Nails, sir," she said slowly, wonderingly, seeing the sharp ends sticking through, "He's *nailed* the door shut."

"I'm on my way," Skinner barely finished before hanging up, grabbing his coat, and tearing out of his office.

            ---------------------------------------

Alex dropped like dead-weight onto the bed, as Fox crawled in next to him, bringing the covers over both of them. He turned into Fox's embrace, chuckling exhaustedly, turning up to look at him, at his sound of inquiry.

"You're going to fuck me to death, aren't you?" he asked, laughing. "Damn, Fox, what a way to go!"

Mulder froze. "How the hell can you joke about it?" he asked, running a agitated hand through his hair, as Alex's shaking body came to gradual stillness. 

"I'm sorry, really," Alex said with quiet sincerity, looking at Fox's shocked expression. "I know this is turning out to be harder on you than it is on me. I hadn't planned on this, Fox, any of it. The only thing I *had* planned on, we still haven't gotten around to yet. Being with you, like this, is a complete shock to me. I never knew you were attracted to me; I had no idea."

Mulder grimaced. "I didn't want you to know. I sure as hell didn't *want* to be, there, for a while, it wasn't a pleasant thought. What about you? When did it become the other side of the coin for you?"

Alex grinned. "Heads, I hated you; tails, . . ?" he asked, trailing off, seeing Fox nod. He sighed. "It was never really heads, it couldn't have been, not with you. Heads was reserved for people like that black-lunged son of a bitch. I never hated you. There were plenty of times I *really*, *really* didn't like you," he paused, grinning, Fox's answering his own. "But, I never hated you. As for the other, it's been tails for a long time, Fox, a very long time, to me anyway." He stopped to see his lover looking desolate. Shit. 

"I wish we had more time, Alex," Fox started, then stopped, unable to finish. 

"I know. Me too. But, not this lifetime; it ain't gonna happen," he drawled softly. "I have no more time, Fox. I'm tired, I have no fight left in me, and my body has turned against me. It's just a matter of time before I'm dead, one way or another. And I want it to be *my* way, Fox," he stopped, looking his lover in the eye.

Mulder closed his eyes, exhaling a heavy sigh. He felt soft, sweet lips touch his own, and responded urgently. Alex seemed determined to keep it light and gentle, no matter what he did. He really wasn't trying to stall anymore . . Okay, so he was, he didn't want to do this, didn't want to be the instrument of Alex's death, wished to hell and back they had the time to be more to one another. Time to maybe, just maybe, fall in love with Alex Krycek. He grinned at the total lunacy of it all, started chuckling, then laughing, feeling Alex pull away to look at him in amused bewilderment.

"Oh, fuck. Alex, come here," he pulled his lover back into his arms and sighed, stroking his back lightly.

"Want to tell me what *that* was all about?" Alex asked, humorous sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Mulder snorted. "No, not really, you'd never believe me," he said, shaking his head.

"Maybe I want to believe," Alex said softly, feeling Fox's arms tighten around him.

Mulder pulled back, seeing the bright green eyes smiling at him. He kissed Alex lightly, quickly, then looked at him. Alex was looking behind him at the bedside table. Alex met his eyes, and licked his lips, smiling ruefully.

"Now, it's time," he said, with gentle firmness, sighing with something akin to relief when Fox nodded reluctantly. He moved away, intending to get up and dress, when Fox's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Don't," Mulder said quietly, "I'll take care of it. I'll take care of everything, don't worry. I just want to hold you, like this," he finished, brokenly, as Alex lay back into his arms, watching the hazel eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, God, Fox, don't. Don't waste good saltwater on me," he stopped, silenced by Fox's mouth on his, the kiss gentle. Fox's head dropped into the hollow of his throat, his breathing ragged, as Alex gently stroked him, hushing him. "Damn, I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to hurt you, Fox. That's the last thing I want," Alex rasped, trying to blink away the stinging in his own eyes, again. "I'm sorry, I am so *damned* sorry."

"Me too," Mulder said, into Alex's throat, before looking up and sighing, shaking his head, a pained look on his face. "I'm sorry for all the wasted time . ." he paused, as Alex brought a finger to his lips.

"No more regrets, for either of us. Not now, not ever again," he was halted in mid-thought by the wonderful touch of Fox's lips on his. He was trying to keep the kiss from escalating again, but he was only human, and damn, his lover was persistent. They lay there, keeping the passion at an even level, content to make out like bandits, devouring one another. "Oh, hell. Fox, you are way too good at this," Alex moaned, as his lover kissed his eyelids, his nose, and proceeded to plant soft kisses all over his face. He looked up at Fox, and saw him smiling, sadly, but a smile, nonetheless. He didn't want to see it go, but it was time, he knew, as he bit his lip, not wanting to remind Fox.

"I know," Fox whispered, smoothing the still-damp hair back from Alex's troubled eyes, "I know." He reached back over them to the table and snagged the rubber tubing. He felt Alex's eyes on him, but couldn't meet them as he tied it off, just above his lover's elbow, making sure the loop to undo it was right. He carefully stroked the inside of Alex's elbow, finding the vein, then bent and kissed it. Reaching up again, he grabbed the syringe and the vial and sighed, shuddering. He looked at Alex, who nodded.

"Go ahead, Fox. I'm still sure. I still want it to be this way," he stopped, seeing tears in Fox's eyes as the man blinked, trying to clear them.

Mulder tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, meeting Alex's clear green eyes, seeing the certainty there. He carefully pushed the needle into the small vial, going easily through the red rubber stopper, and pulled the plunger back, filling the large syringe completely, nearly emptying the bottle. He checked with Alex again, saw total acceptance there, as his lover smiled and nodded. Mulder put the vial back on the nightstand, and just looked at the syringe.

Alex brought his hand up to Fox's face, stroking his cheek, feeling his own eyes fill as Fox tightly closed his own, turning his head into the caress, as he kissed Alex's palm. 

Mulder felt the first tear slip down his face as he looked at Alex. He blinked and sniffed, trying to stop them, but the gates were open and there was nothing he could do. "God, Alex," he whispered brokenly, as his lover's fingers brushed them away.

"I know," Alex said, drawing a shuddering breath, damning himself for doing this to Fox, "I know."

Mulder kissed him again and put the needle to Alex's arm. He inhaled sharply and gently pushed it in, as Alex sighed. He closed his eyes for an instant then slowly depressed the plunger, sending the morphine into Alex's system, before withdrawing it and tossing it back onto the nightstand. He pulled on the end of the tubing, undoing it, and tossed it onto the table, as well, gently rubbing the spot where the needle had gone in. He leaned forward to kiss Alex, curling around him, when Alex pulled back.

"I want to see you," he said, as Fox nodded, and he lay next to him, leaning on his elbow, one hand on his rapidly beating heart, the other running through his hair.

"It's okay, Alex . . I'm right here, and I'm not letting go," Mulder said quietly, trying to keep his voice from cracking. The temptation to call for paramedics was nearly overwhelming, but he'd be willing to bet they'd get there too late to save Alex. If they could save him, it would still sign the man's death warrant, condemning him to the death he didn't want, in the hospital, rather than the one he'd asked for. Mulder could give him this, he could give him the way out he wanted. He knew he couldn't bear to see Alex suffer, he loved the man too much for .... Oh, God. Oh, God, *no*. He met Alex's eyes, saw the question in them at the stunned look he knew was on his face. He smiled, shaking his head, and leaned in to briefly kiss his lover.

                -----------------------------

Scully was still waiting out in the hall, meticulously searching around the frame for all the nails Mulder had used to barricade himself inside the apartment, when Skinner came down the hall.

"Sir, I don't think we can get through the door without an axe," Scully said wryly, though concerned, only half kidding, until she saw Skinner head towards the alcove where the fire hose, extinguisher, and axe were. He wrenched it out of its bracket and came back to Mulder's door. Shrugging out of his coat, and impatiently tearing off his tie, he grasped the handle and told Scully to get back out of the way. 

Watching wide-eyed, she saw him heft the axe and, with a powerful, two-handed swing, he brought it soundly into the center of the door. Scully flinched as wood splintered, as Skinner mercilessly brought the axe up a second time and sent it smashing into the door, again.

**************************************************

Mulder pulled back from kissing Alex, smiling softly at him. "How long?" he asked quietly, stroking Alex's chest.

"Not long, few minutes," Alex murmured, feeling the drug hit his system. It seemed to take a lot of effort, but he moved his hand up to take Fox's, anyway, and squeezed gently. "Talk to me, Fox?" he asked, feeling a weight settle into his chest, trying to keep his eyes open.

"Easy, shhh, Alex, it's okay. Don't fight it so hard, I'm right here," Mulder leaned close to whisper in his ear, seeing his lover struggle to open his eyes. He moved forward to kiss the back of Alex's hand, caressing it with his lips, seeing a ghost of a smile cross Alex's face at the touch. He dimly heard something crashing in the living room, but his attention was on the man before him, and nothing was going to distract him from Alex.

"You take care . . of yourself. Or I will haunt you . . I mean it," Alex said, finally getting his eyes to cooperate. "I'll be an X-file," he murmured, seeing Fox grin at him through tears.

"I'm looking forward to it, Alex," Mulder answered softly, tears streaming down his face.

"If I can . . I'll try . ." he trailed off, as Fox hushed him. "Wanted . . to tell you . . Always tails," he whispered drunkenly, as Fox's face crumpled, "Loved you . . Still . . love you, Fox," he mumbled, barely feeling Fox's hand tighten on his own. "Remember . . that . . tails."

"I know, baby, I know," Mulder said, trying to talk even though his throat was closing around his grief, crying quietly, not wanting to disturb his lover. "I'll remember, I will. Promise. I'll never forget, Alex. I'll never forget you," he said, voice shattering completely. He moved directly into Alex's line of vision, "I love you, Alex Krycek. Do you hear me? I. Love. You." he whispered firmly, seeing Alex's eyes fall shut, slight smile still on his face.

"When . . that happen?" he asked, making Fox chuckle, the laughter seeping out around the sorrow.

"I don't know," Mulder answered honestly, "I just realized it tonight, when I knew I couldn't let you suffer," he said gently, brushing his fingers through the soft hair, "I knew I couldn't let you be hurt, or killed in some god-awful way. I knew I had to help you. That's when I realized," he whispered, choking on tears, "I love you." Mulder heard more noise coming from the other room, recognizing the sound of wood cracking, and knew someone was coming through the door. He moved his hand away from Alex's head and reached behind him to get into the drawer on the nightstand, bringing the gun out and switching the safety off as he put it between them. He moved his hand back to his lover's head and felt Alex's heartbeat shudder.

"Alex, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. Shhh, easy, baby, I'm right here," Mulder said softly as Alex made a slight noise. 

Alex tensed slightly under Mulder's hand, feeling the darkness just beyond him, steadily approaching. He tried not to fight it, and just let it wrap itself around him. It felt warm, and loving, a lot like Fox, he decided, as it gently moved through him.

"Alex, just let go, it's okay, just let it take you. Shhh, don't fight it, just let go. It's all right, Alex, I swear it is. Relax and let go, baby, I've got you," Mulder paused, wondering at the slight smile on Alex's face, not hearing Scully and Skinner enter the bedroom and take it all in. 

Scully saw the vial glinting on the stand and quietly crossed the room to pick it up, seeing the used syringe as well. She took it back to show Skinner, his eyes widening in comprehension as he realized it was morphine and now empty. Scully's eyes settled on Krycek, seeing that he only had one arm. It took everything she possessed not to interfere with this assisted suicide, obviously Krycek was allowing this to happen, welcoming it in fact. It dawned on her that Mulder had one hand in the man's hair, and was holding the other on Krycek's chest, over his heart. Her eyes widened as she realized both of them were naked underneath the sheets, Mulder curled up protectively around the other man. Her shocked glance bolted upward to see Skinner come to the same realization.

Mulder was barely aware that Scully and Skinner was standing in his bedroom, but Alex wasn't gone yet, and he wasn't going to waste the little time his lover had left, trying to explain it all to them. Let them think whatever the hell they wanted to.

He leaned closer to Alex, still stroking his hair, feeling his heart labor under their joined hands. "I'm right here, Alex. It's all right, shhh. I've got you . . I've got you," he whispered softly, missing Scully and Skinner's startled look. "Easy, Alex, it's okay," he said softly, feeling his lover's heart skip. "Let it go, baby. Just give in, it'll be okay. It's okay, Alex, just let go, let go," he sobbed quietly, gasping for shaky breaths. He felt Alex's heart jump, then again, then stillness. He sank into Alex, quietly crying, bringing his head down to Alex's chest, wrapping his arms around him, holding him. He knew it was over, but he also knew he'd never be able to hold the man again. He kissed his eyelids, then brought his head back over the now silent heart, laying there, quietly raging at a fate that had taken someone else from him before their time. He didn't think he'd ever stop crying, long broken sobs, not knowing or caring that Scully and Skinner were quietly leaving the room. He felt totally shattered, yet relieved that his lover had gone so peacefully. He saw the faint smile still on those perfect lips, and leaned up to kiss him.

"Goodbye, Alex," he said, in an agonized whisper, "I'll miss you, baby. God, I'm going to miss you," he barely finished before resting his head on his lover's chest, to cry himself out.

Scully felt faintly annoyed with herself for the tears forming in her eyes. She knew Skinner was watching her; she ignored it and said nothing. Krycek, dead, apparently with Mulder's help. She tried not to leap to any conclusions about the scene in the bedroom, or about Mulder's relationship with Krycek, whatever it was. She told herself the tears were coming out of sympathy with Mulder's evident grief, trying to ignore the feeling of near betrayal that was creeping up on her. She sat down in the kitchen, not wanting to see the demolished door in the living room.

Skinner quietly joined her, saying nothing, respecting her silence in part, and because he didn't know what the hell to say to her. He didn't know what the hell to think, either, and was trying not to. After a while, they heard water running in the bathroom, followed by soft footsteps back into the bedroom. A few minutes later, Mulder emerged, looking like hell, wearing a pair of grey sweat pants and a black t-shirt that Scully didn't recognize. 

Mulder walked silently over to one of the cabinets and opened it, pulling out a near-full bottle of whiskey. He grabbed a glass from overhead, a very tall one, and poured. He leaned back against the counter, eyes on the floor, quietly sipping his drink. All he had to do was wait, the guys would be here any minute. "Scully," he croaked, his voice sounding loud in the silence, "Would you check, just to make certain . . that he's ... gone?" he asked, not caring that his voice cracked on the last word.

"Sure, Mulder," Scully answered quietly, heading to the bedroom, glad to be doing something, in a more or less official capacity. She noticed Krycek was dressed, now, in jeans and one of Mulder's FBI Academy t-shirts, with the alien on the back. She appreciated the humor in the gesture, but the smile never reached her lips. Sighing, she wondered if the black t-shirt Mulder was wearing had been Krycek's, but didn't really want to think about it right now. It took her no time at all to confirm that Alex Krycek was dead, the morphine had speeded him on his way to whatever awaited him. She walked back into the kitchen and Mulder finally raised his head to meet her eyes. She nodded, not missing the look on her partner's face as he turned back to the counter, away from her. 

Mulder heard Frohike's voice muttering something about what the hell happened to the door, and turned around, seeing how Skinner was trying to avoid his searching gaze. He grinned slightly, startling Scully. It was the first thing remotely resembling a smile she'd seen in days. 

The guys were moving carefully through the wreckage of the door, eyebrows raising at the way Mulder looked, and the fact that Scully *and* Skinner were there. Mulder jerked his head behind him. "Bedroom," he said quietly, as the two in the kitchen came to stand behind him. "I know it doesn't really matter, anymore, but . . be careful, okay?" he asked, eyes filling again, damn them.

Frohike nodded. "Don't worry, Mulder, we'll take good care of him," he said quietly, not missing the pain and grief, or the tears.

Mulder nodded and headed back into the kitchen, not really wanting to see how the guys were going to get Alex's body out of there. The shirt he was wearing smelled like him, a vague comfort, but he didn't dwell on it. He turned and went back into the living room, grabbing the hammer off the desk and began removing the nails from the battered door. It was quick work, and soon what was left of the door was opened. The hallways were thankfully deserted, typical for a Friday night. He went back into the kitchen, tossed the hammer and nails back into the drawer, grabbed his drink, and sat down heavily at the table.

Scully joined him, Skinner remaining where he was, leaning against the wall of the kitchen.

"Why," she asked him, quietly.

Mulder sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Because he was dying, Scully, brain tumor, inoperable," he answered, so quietly Skinner had to come forward to hear him.

"Why did he come to you?" she asked, seeing her partner's eyes fill with tears.

Mulder couldn't tell her all of it, didn't want to. "He knew I'd help him."

"Did he tell you he didn't kill your father?" she asked carefully, not too surprised when Mulder nodded. "And you believed him?" she asked, a simple inquiry, no judgement involved.

"Yes. I believed him. He was there to talk to my Dad, not to kill him. The shot came through the window, while he was hiding from me," he replied, tiredly. "And before you ask, yes, he told me he didn't kill Melissa. He thought he and Cardinale were at your place to plant some eavesdropping gear, when she walked through the door. Cardinale said he panicked and shot her, Alex didn't buy it."

Scully nodded, thinking <*Alex*>? But, she said nothing. "Why did you help him?" she asked, not daring to ask the bigger question.

"Because he went through a list of all the most likely ways for him to die, and I didn't like the sound of any of them, Scully," Mulder bit off, halting abruptly as Frohike came into the kitchen.

"We found these in the chair by the bed," he said quietly, looking uncomfortable, holding out Alex's leather jacket and prosthetic arm. Mulder got up and took the jacket, wrapping his arms around it, feeling something in the inside pocket. "Do whatever you want with the arm," he said, distractedly, "Just keep it away from him," he finished, bringing the digital tape out of the pocket, along with an audio cassette. 

Frohike's eyes widened as he saw the tape. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked breathlessly, as Byers and Langley came up behind him, Mulder tossed the digital tape to him and headed for his stereo, leaving Frohike to catch it, holding it like the Holy Grail.

Mulder popped the cassette in and punched play.

"Hi, Mulder," Alex's voice came out of the speakers, "Guess who? I know you're probably wondering why I didn't tell you about the tape. The answer is simple. I know you, Mulder. I know what good friends you and Guilt are. I just didn't wanting you thinking, for a moment, that you let me die to get your hands on the damned thing. Now that you've got it back, dig into it. Use it to find something to help Scully. Then maybe some good will come out of this, after all." Alex's sigh echoed quietly through the still room as Mulder crossed it to stare out the window, listening to Alex's voice for the last time.

"Thank you. I mean that, Fox," Alex continued softly, as Mulder closed his eyes, almost picturing Alex standing right next to him, talking to him. 

"I know it wouldn't have been your first choice, spending a Friday night with me," Alex said wryly, as Mulder grinned slightly, "But, I'm grateful. The alternatives weren't too pleasant; I'm glad I won't have to deal with that."

"Just in case you're wondering, yes, I told you the truth about your father and Scully's sister. I wouldn't lie to you, I have no reason to. And don't go off half-cocked after the Black-Lunged Bastard, now that I'm gone, you hear me? I swear, you show up wherever the hell I am, one second earlier than you're supposed to, and I'll kick your ass, got it?" he said, laughing slightly. Mulder smiled, a real smile, amazing Scully and Skinner who had stepped further into the living room to listen to Krycek's tape.

"I guess that's about it. Just one more thing. If I see anyone you know, I'll be sure to say hello," Alex said slowly, carefully, as Mulder turned toward the stereo, his puzzlement evident on his face.

"And I'll tell her how much you love her," Alex went on, gently, as Mulder froze, tightening his hold on Alex's jacket, slowly shaking his head from side to side. "I'll tell her how you've never given up, how you never stopped looking for her. How much you miss her," he paused, as Mulder hunched over like he'd taken a blow, turning toward the window again, shoulders shaking slightly. Scully made a move as if to go to him, when Skinner caught her arm and shook his head at her, mouthing 'Not yet'. She nodded and stayed where she was, understanding that Mulder needed the release.

"I'll keep an eye on her, for you, Fox. We'll commiserate with each other about how we both miss you, and we'll trade stories, and we'll remember," Alex paused, again, as tears streamed down Mulder's face, his whole body shuddering, silently.

"I'll look after her until you get there, Fox. I'll even let her beat me at Stratego." Mulder cried out, burying his face in Alex's jacket, as he leaned against the window, shaking.

"*If* I see her, Fox. *If*. But, I don't think I will. I think you'll find her, someday. So, don't give up. I know it's been a long time, but don't give up. And don't give up on yourself, either," Alex's voice turned pleading, "You have to keep at it, Fox, you're the only one who can. The only one who can make them accountable for what they've done. Just be careful. Watch your ass." Alex sighed, as Mulder trembled.

"Enough of that. I've got to get going. It's odd. I'm on my way to your place, now, but if everything went as planned, I'm already gone. I know you'll find the compassion to help me. And if I managed to find the courage to tell you why I'm really coming to you for help, you'll get this reference. It's always been tails, Fox. It's always been tails," Alex paused, as his voice cracked, slightly, noticed by everyone in the room. "Goodbye, Fox. I'll see you when I see you." 

The recording ended, but Mulder didn't move. Scully walked over to the player and hit the stop key, looking sideways at Mulder. She sighed sadly, as she slowly walked over to him and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mulder," she said, softly, feeling him shaking under her hand. 

"Yeah, me too, Scully," he rasped, looking at her, "Me too."

               -------------------------------

Mulder barely remembered the drive to Scully's place. The guys insisted they knew someone who could take care of the door, but Scully wasn't about to leave him alone tonight, he knew that. And a sofa was a sofa was a sofa. At least she wasn't hovering, for which he was grateful.

He was totally exhausted, but not really tired, and it wasn't that late, barely into the double-digit hours of the night. He crashed on Scully's sofa, ignoring the knock on the door, ignoring Skinner come in, and ignoring the two of them talking about him and his dubious state of mind in her kitchen. 

He was wearing Alex's jacket; it felt good, even though the memories were bittersweet, like having the man wrapped around him. He heard his cell phone ring. He remembered turning it back on, but didn't know who the hell could be calling him; the two most likely were having a pow-wow about him in Scully's kitchen.

"Mulder," he grumbled, sitting up when he heard Frohike's voice, barely. Damn, the battery was probably about shot. Mulder gave him Scully's phone number, ignoring her glare, when Frohike called him back, sounding somewhat frantic. Mulder put it on speaker phone, so Scully and Skinner could hear what was going on, as they walked into the living room.

"Mulder, Krycek put a timed password on the digital tape, if we don't come up with a match in about a minute, it'll fry itself," Frohike exclaimed, in a breathless rush.

"Mulder," said Langley, "We've already tried every possible combination of your name, and Scully's and Samantha's and we're getting nowhere. Have you got any ideas?"

Mulder thought for a second, wondering. Alex had told him not to forget, he had promised he'd remember. A slow smile spread across his face, lighting his eyes, again.

"Try 'tails', guys, T-A-I-L-S," he spelled it out, waiting for, then hearing, whoops of excitement in the background.

"Got it, we're in, gentlemen, we are *in*!" Frohike said excitedly, when Byers interrupted him.

"Guys, we've got a sound file attached here, I'm putting it on speakers."

"Hi again, Fox," Alex's cheerful voice came over Scully's phone, "Just when you thought it was safe, yadda, yadda, yadda," he laughed, making Fox snort, almost enough of a laugh to make Scully and Skinner look at him, both somewhat startled at the sound.

"What'd I tell you, Fox? Always tails," Alex's mood changed abruptly from humorous to serious and soft. "Always tails," Alex nearly whispered, in a lover's voice, "Goodbye, Fox."

Mulder smiled. "Goodbye, Alex. Tails to you, too," he murmured, as he leaned back on Scully's sofa and grinned up into her astonished face.

***********************************************  
end


End file.
